new office policy

Dress Code:

1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.

2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.

3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.

4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.


Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.

Bereavement Leave:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements in your place. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Bathroom Breaks:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the 'Chronic Offenders' category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy.

Lunch Break: (Love this one)

* Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.

* Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.

* Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.


Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.


The Management

learn chinese in 5 minutes

Prepare now for the Beijing Olympics.

Learn Chinese in 5 minutes: English - Chinese Translations

That's not right! -> Sum Ting Wong

Are you harboring a fugitive? -> Hu Yu Hai Ding

See me ASAP -> Kum Hia Nao

Stupid Man -> Dum Fuk

Small Horse -> Tai Ni Po Ni

Did you go to the beach? -> Wai Yu So Tan

I bumped into a coffee table! -> Ai Bang Mai Fu Kin Ni

I think you need a face lift! -> Chin Tu Fat

It's very dark in here! -> Wai So Dim

I thought you were on a diet! -> Wai Yu Mun Ching

This is a tow away zone! -> No Pah King

Our meeting is scheduled for next week! -> Wai Yu Kum Nao

Staying out of sight -> Lei Ying Lo

He's cleaning his automobile -> Wa Shing Ka

Your body odour is offensive -> Yu Stin Ki Pu

Great -> Fa Kin Su Pa